dirty golf quotes

Which is the easiest golf stroke? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? How do you know you should be a golfer? Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. We have a threesome, care to join us? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Is everything okay?. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. -Lee Trevino Here, have a carrot! What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Just in case they get a slice! Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Man: Please dont go. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Tahiti who? I . Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. I`m really worried about myself. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. 4. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Dirt your body. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Such is the game. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Where is the best place to go on vacation? Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Spread your legs a little more. All through the night they made wild love together. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Please add a link to this article. Golf is a lot like life. There are no absolutes in golf. He was perfecting his swing. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! He said. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. And now it will be poisoned for you. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. 3 / 10. Why do golfers hate cake? On a golf course, nature is neutered. Clubbing. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Golf Quotes About Life 22. happen again! The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? We share them in our weekly newsletter. Ben Hogan. They dont have the heart for it. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 1. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. And it matters how we go about attaining them. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Their expectation, however, is very different. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. P.G. But you cant just forget not to think. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Required fields are marked *. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Missed the ball and sank the divot. 2. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. putt." The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. They have been there where we are standing now. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Any birdie will do. In case they get a hole-in-one! / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. It can be difficult. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Noah. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? You swing left and the ball goes right. Bruce Lansky, Author. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. Very interesting. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. the flag cant jump. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Golf is the easiest game in the world. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Thats incredible. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Nuts! 8. ", Because all the other four letter words were taken. Knock, knock Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Lee Trevino. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? They have a hard drive. And there are windmills. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Two rounds a day are plenty. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Try choking donw on the shaft. 9. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Boo. Keep your head down. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. The Dalai Lama himself. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Because they might get a slice. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. 3. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Do you share these funny golf jokes? The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. 3. Im the best. About 160 yards was his reply. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Why dont skeletons play golf? Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. 1. Whats the difference between golf and sex? In case he gets a hole in one. And that thought is: Dont think. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Besides that, I love to explore. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. What is a golfers favorite bird? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. 4. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! 8. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Mini Golf Captions. Drop some in the comments! A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Please add a link to this site. I'll let you beat me. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. 4. They expect to succeed! What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? 3 of 10. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Basketball is a sport for black men. Sunday Service. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. P.G. Whos there? They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Your email address will not be published. A dinner without wine. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? ~ Sijin Bt. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. "Hockey is a sport for white men. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Enjoy! Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. 4. Required fields are marked *. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Twelfth son of the Lama. Noah who? 1. Watch their eyes. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Your email address will not be published. 8. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You okay with that? Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. I am a Musician. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? 6. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I give the ball some sweet talk. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. In case he got a hole in one! Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Play golf. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? There is no such thing as a natural touch. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! He attacks it. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Chip Shot. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Your fifth putt. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Keep your sense of humor. Find the ball. I've got some good news. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Because you got me soaking wet. I'm Tiger Woods. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Dean Martin, He loved the game. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Why not! Dirty Golf Sayings. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.

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